If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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