Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
