dude i'm inner monologue high
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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