I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
