I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
