Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
