Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
