Need sex. Gaining weight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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