yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
