apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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