Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
