its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
