I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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