that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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