I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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