I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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