Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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