I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this will be a night to untag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
