My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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