I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Church boner. Awkwardddd
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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