it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
