Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are we still banned from the library?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize