Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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