I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
