Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
