Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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