She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
