I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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