I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
