i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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