wakey wakey hands off snakey
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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