My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
