i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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