You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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