so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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