doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
