using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
