He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
