all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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