Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
