Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
