i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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