used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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