Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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