I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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