my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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