please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
