Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
