Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
