apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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