It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
