I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
