nutella sex= disaster
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
