if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
