I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
