i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
