I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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