Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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