I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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