There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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