youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
