Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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