Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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