So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
