I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
