Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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