i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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